


Revenge Is A Dish

by TottWriter



Series: Travellers AU [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Enemies to Friends, Gen, HQ Brofest, HQ Brofest Apprentice Tier, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Time Travel AU, poor choices at Russian Revolutions, this is one of my more ridiculous fics, time travel pranks, well more like rivals really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 04:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10779978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TottWriter/pseuds/TottWriter
Summary: After being sprung with a DEEPLY unfair practical joke in his first damn week as a Traveller, Ryuu vowed he was going to get revenge. But who the hell was the mystery guy who'd pranked him, and why did he seem to get such a kick out of ruining his day?...Clearlythe best way to find out was by pranking him right back.





	Revenge Is A Dish

**Author's Note:**

> It's posting time! So, this is the first of my contributions to the HQ brofest (The second one is rather...not like this). It's _technically_ a sequel/companion piece, but if you haven't read Best Served Cold, fear not. While it _does_ add a little context here and there, it's also at all essential to read them both in order. Time travel, you know?
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this. Possibly too much fun. I hope you enjoy reading it, too!

“Fresh-faced” was probably one of the least accurate ways in which a person could describe Tanaka Ryuunosuke, even at the close of just his first week Travelling, but at least in the metaphorical sense he felt it ought to count. More or less.  
  
It certainly counted enough that the dark-haired Traveller stood in front of him—clutching a hat and a fake beard—had absolutely every reason to feel bad for slipping him what Ryuu could only suppose were moderately powerful laxatives, based on the guy’s recommendation that he find a bathroom. Who in all of time was that petty, man? Seeking out brand new Travellers just to…what, make their lives miserable? What a Class A _Dick_.  
  
“What the hell, man?” he exclaimed, hardly noticing the shift in the other Traveller’s expression. “Who _does_ that kinda shit?” He shook his head, dropping the bottle and not even caring about the mess as it shattered on the frosty ground. Someone might slip on the ice, but…ehh, apparently everyone at this riot had gotten pretty hammered in the end anyway. Drunk people could fall over just standing still.  
  
“My first week out, and _this_ bullshit?” he went on, clenching his fists. The Class A Dick stood in front of him looked mortified. Well, too late. “You’re really gonna regret this,” Ryuu said. He dropped his illusory appearance, and scowled.  
  
“You’d better remember this face coz _man_ , you are getting some serious payback,” he said. The effect possibly lost some of its impact because that was the moment the first cramp struck. He clutched his stomach, groaning.  
  
When he looked up, Class A Dick had the nerve to be _smiling_ at him—like it was funny, instead of the greatest display of asshattery Ryuu had ever seen.  
  
“I know,” Class A Dick said, in a soft voice ripe with sarcasm. “You already did.”  
  
The meaning behind those particular words wouldn’t actually resonate with Ryuu for a good few years, however, because at that moment the cramps got really bad, and rather than wind up having an _incident_ during the October Revolution’s storming of the Winter Palace, he reached up to the device embedded behind his ear. He made damn sure to give the complete _asshole_ stood in front of him the finger as he Travelled away.

 

* * *

 

Once Ryuu had recovered from the more pressing of his concerns in the relative safety of a bathroom in 22nd Century Alaska, he gave himself a little time to plot his next move.  
  
The main problem, of course, was that he had absolutely no idea who the guy actually was. It was all very well telling the him he was gonna get his own back, but that really would rely on his being able to actually _find_ him again. Ryuu was certain that it would happen—he’d _make_ it happen, if he had to—but he had no guarantee of exactly how long it would take.    
  
Because the fact of the matter was, he couldn’t really afford to put everything else on hold just to track down some sleepy-eyed asshole who happened to be the most underhanded jerk Ryuu had ever met. Begrudgingly as it might be, he had to admit that there _were_ more important matters at stake, and he’d already been stretching it a bit when he’d decided to round out his first week of independence by going on a bender at a Russian revolution.  
  
The fact he was pretty sure he didn’t even want to _think_ about goofing off like that again anytime soon was not a point in Asshole’s favour. He’d been looking forward to having some fun here and there. Instead, he’d skipped right to his next assignment, and had a potential civil war to help head off. What a bundle of laughs that was _not_ going to be.

 

* * *

 

Ryuu had been expecting a ballache when he made contact with the leader of the uprising. However, he really hadn’t expected it to come in quite such a literal fashion.  
  
“Shitting _hell_ , what was that for?” he cried, clutching at his groin and doing his best not to sink to the ground. They were stood in a basement, but it smelled a lot more like a sewer. Kneeling or sitting was out of the question.  
  
“Hey, don’t blame me, blame my reflexes, man. That’s what you get for popping outta the shadows like that.”  
  
There was a shimmer, and the haze of illusion over the other man’s face faded to reveal a guy who looked about his own age, rather than the balding American who had been stood there beforehand.  He was short— _really_ short, to be honest—but at first glance seemed taller thanks to his hair being spiked so that it was almost vertical. The Traveller settled his hands on his hips and grinned over at Ryuu. Doubled over as he was, they were more or less the same height.  
  
“Still, no hard feelings, yeah? Name’s Nishinoya by the way. Noya’s fine though—and it’s pretty much what the whole crew here started calling me anyway. Could be short for anything, you know?”  
  
Ryuu dropped his own illusion after looking around to make sure no one else was going to leap out in front of him with a well-placed kick.  
  
“You got a crew? Man, how long have you been here on this one? And…you _are_ stopping it, right?”  
  
Noya beamed at him. “Sure have…am…all that stuff really. There’s a pretty sweet setup underground here—we reckon if we cut the power to all those tannoys long enough, we can do an old-style hack of the news and start getting some real facts to people so they don’t buy the recruitment drive. Can’t have a war without an army, you know?”  
  
Ryuu frowned. “But that only gets rid of _one_ army, right?”  
  
Noya’s face fell. “Yeah. Well, that’s what’s had me stumped, alright. I mean. I can’t get going on the plan until someone’s there to take out the other army too, and I’m still green enough that I can’t double time this.” He brightened. “But now _you’re_ here, so I’m sure we can shake up the plan a bit and have some fun. Well, maybe save the fun part for after we stop the war, but, well. Look. Help me out on this and I’ll owe you one, okay? One favour from yours truly. Free to be cashed in at any time, place, reality, whatever.”  
  
He was about to point out that it wasn’t exactly doing Noya a favour if they _both_ wanted to stop the war, but halted himself. A favour, eh? Well, he could sure think of a good use for something like that.  
  
Grinning, he held out his hand. “You got a deal.”

 

* * *

  
  
The first time he saw Asshole again, he was passing through 16th Century China. It was pure chance he even recognised the guy, really, because apparently the ludicrous physical disguises he used were his typical preference. Although he’d blended his face, the clothes had none of that illusory sheen about them, making him harder to pick out than the other Travellers he’d run into so far.  
  
…Which, if Asshole’s behaviour was anything to go by, was probably a lesson worth taking on board, no matter how irritating it would be to hunt down a new wardrobe every time he Travelled. Much as he _definitely_ needed to get his own back on the guy, there was no denying the fact that he could have learnt the lesson about sticking out in a much more painful fashion. There were plenty of rival Travellers out there who would happily go a lot further than slipping him laxatives in the name of getting him out of their way.  
  
That was for another time, however. First, he had an unmissable opportunity to take up. How was he going to get revenge?  
  
_Man, I wish Noya was here_ , he thought. Having someone to spitball ideas off of would have made things so much easier. Plus, they’d really gotten into a pattern of working together on the Alaska thing.  
  
For now though, he’d just have to wing it. Asshole was walking out of sight, and with the real clothes covering up his illusory appearance, the tell-tale sheen on his face was going to be lost among the crowds if he didn’t act fast. He made a quick purchase at the market stall adjacent to the one he had originally intended to visit, and set off.  
  
Ryuu fell into a slow amble, tracking Asshole as he made his way along the main city street. He was headed for the outer gate, which suited Ryuu just fine. If they got out of the city there was a lot more room for manoeuvres which _wouldn’t_ get him landed in trouble with the local authorities.  
  
…Opportunities like the one which opened right up as they made their way out onto the roadway leading away from the slums outside the city walls, presumably heading to one of the villages which supplied the city with food.  
  
He picked up the pace, knowing that he’d probably only get the one shot. The whole point was getting revenge on the jerk when he _wasn’t_ expecting it.  
  
A short way further down the road, he could see a cluster of buildings gathered together. The roadway passed close by them, and just before it reached them it curved around an area bordered by tall reeds. Grinning, he caught up with Asshole shortly before they drew level with it, reaching into his satchel for the earthenware mug he’d bought.  
  
“A fine day for a drink, wouldn’t you say?” he cried, draping his arm across Asshole’s shoulders.  
  
The other man turned to face him, and Ryuu waited the half-second it took for recognition to filter on his face before grabbing his far shoulder with one hand, thrusting the mug into his hands with the other, and giving him a firm, twisting _shove_.  
  
He stepped back to watch Asshole try to right himself while fumbling with the jug. It was an attempt doomed to failure, and he cackled as he watched the man topple over sideways, landing face first in the water. It was shallow enough that he surfaced with a generous coating of mud and pond weed.  
  
The last thing he saw before bolting back to the city was the glorious sight of a duck landing on Asshole’s head, apparently interested in the weed which was tangled in in his hair. The expression on his rival’s face was _priceless_.

 

* * *

  
  
Revenge felt good. It really did. That asshole had _completely_ screwed him over without warning, so in return he’d…well. Dumped him on his backside in a pond.  
  
Hrm. Put like that, it didn’t really sound as though he’d achieved all that much. There was something missing. And the more Ryuu thought about it, the less rewarding his revenge actually felt. It was too simple, really. Asshole had obviously _planned_ his move. He’d gone to all the effort of putting high-strength laxatives in a period-appropriate vodka bottle, and sourcing a pretty damn realistic fake beard to cover his face. He’d set out to really, well and truly, mess up someone’s day.  
  
Compared to that, casually shoving a guy into a pond just seemed kind of petty. No. If he was going to get revenge _properly_ , he’d have to put in a bit more effort. Asshole had really hit below the belt, and this was about getting even, after all. That meant planning ahead. He needed to be sure that if Asshole ever showed up nearby, he’d be ready for him. After all, until he managed to get a proper read on his implant—and the fact that he hadn’t remembered to despite tailing the guy for a good _hour_ or so struck him as a major oversight—he’d only be running into him by chance anyway.  
  
He’d just have to be prepared for every eventuality, then. Because oh boy, would it be worth it.

 

* * *

  
  
There was something about visiting 19th century Europe which just couldn’t quite be matched by any other time period. Ryuu could never quite place what it was, exactly, but it always left him trying that little bit harder to blend in. Perhaps it was the real fixation everyone seemed to have on pointless manners and rules, or the cheerful way the richer types managed to paper over the world outside their fancy houses. The tipping point where the cities were filling up, but no one had yet worked out how to keep them properly clean.  
  
Or maybe it was the way a person could just fit in so damn _easily_. He’d left off his illusory appearance, because honestly it wasn’t especially needed while he was muddling around the backstreets of late Victorian London, tidying up after a rival Traveller he’d been tailing for a while. Some kid was helping him, unaware that their target was anything other than a powerful opium smuggler who threatened to bring a lot of dangerous folks to the district. Among the heaving crowds of ordinary people, his face might be a little different from the majority, but he still didn’t stand out at all.  
  
The haze of illusory skin took a few seconds to register to his eyes, and before he had _fully_ appreciated it, it was almost gone. He span on the spot, but its owner had gotten lost among the crowds already, and the kid helping him tugged on his sleeve after a few seconds, urging him back on his way. Damn. It was _him_ , too. Ryuu could tell. In the time since his initial run-in with Asshole, he’d managed to _almost_ confront him on a number of occasions, each time missing out by just a few seconds, or from being just that little bit too far away.  
  
He’d managed to get a read on Asshole’s implant, at least. Noya had shown him how that trick worked on one of their reunion missions together. Apparently the guy had found yet another ally after they’d gone their separate ways, this time someone with a lot more field experience. It was a useful trick. With Asshole’s illusion frequency logged, he could always tell—even at quick glance—whether it was his rival, or just some other Traveller whose fake features had caught his eye.  
  
If he hadn’t been dead set on catching the scumbag who thought it was funny to meddle with a well-meaning Victorian guy’s attempt to put an end to the cholera outbreaks, he would have wondered what Asshole was up to. As it was, there were more pressing concerns, and unless Asshole was working with the scumbag Traveller he was following, there wasn’t time to worry about it anyway.  
  
At least, there wasn’t time to worry about it until he managed to sort out the situation with Scumbag. (Sometimes, Ryuu wondered if he should bother learning the names of his rival Travellers. Still, even for the two or three he _had_ heard, he’d already just picked an identifying personality trait and found sticking with it easier. There was no point in learning much about people he didn’t even _like_ , right?)  
  
Once he got done kicking Scumbag’s backside into a whole other reality for a while, he realised that he could still sense Asshole’s implant. The range on his sensor wasn’t great, either, which meant the guy had to be hanging around London still, probably in a similar district.  
  
_No one_ could have called Tanaka Ryuunosuke “fresh-faced” any more—least of all himself—but the devious grin which spread across his features at that moment was probably enough to make people wonder how he had ever been a child at all.

 

* * *

  
  
Asshole had apparently been hanging out with a very different crowd to Ryuu. Same filthy century, same filthy city, but when he tracked him down, Asshole’s face was a pale, pasty illusion of Englishness, and his clothes had definitely been tailored to fit. And cleaned. A lot. When the kid who had helped him reported back after Stage One of the plan, he announced that the guy _reeked_ of mint. Pretty much everything about Asshole’s appearance was clean and fresh, apparently. What a dick.  
  
That changed the moment the hansom cab Ryuu had hired thundered past him, spraying him with filthy water. He watched from a hundred yards or so down the road as Asshole actually _squawked_ with dismay, stifling a laugh as the guy dropped his suitcase in another puddle and tried to shake off the excess. Asshole reached into his pocket, presumably to pull out a handkerchief to dry himself off. What he actually pulled out was a pair of lacy women’s knickers, although it took him quite a few seconds to realise this—probably because the pair Ryuu had sourced came from a good eighty years after the time they were both visiting, in order to actually be small enough to fit in a pocket.  
  
To judge from the guy’s reaction, it came as something of a shock when he noticed the switch. Ryuu laughed about as hard as he’d ever done in his whole life. When Asshole finally recovered enough from his panic to settle his stunned companion and noticed Ryuu, still cackling, he only just managed to wipe some of the tears from his eyes, and wave cheerfully before Travelling away.  
  
Ah, now _that_ was some quality revenge.

 

* * *

  
  
Three jobs later, Asshole managed to arrange for a delivery of raw fish to the run down rooms Ryuu had been sleeping in while sorting out a few matters in late 20th Century Cyprus. They arrived while he was out, in the form of a large, unremarkable-looking plastic box which sat waiting innocently on his sunny doorstep when he returned one evening. He made the mistake of opening it once he’d gone inside. The whole place still reeked of the damn things when he moved on.  
  
It wasn’t as though there were anything actually written _on_ the box, in fairness. It could have been one of those weird coincidences. It could have been some random person delivering to the wrong house, or have been left by accident. He hadn’t even seen Asshole.  
  
…There was still no way it had been anyone else.  
  
_Right_ , he told himself. _This means war._

 

* * *

  
  
The first time Noya helped him with his quest for revenge, they’d stopped off in 13th Century Venice. Scumbag and his ever-mysterious pals were apparently trying to bump someone off again, and they’d teamed up to root them out.  
  
“…So Asahi won’t go back to any time around then because now he’s scared that when he _blends_ there, someone else is gonna think he’s that dude all risen from the dead again!” his friend was saying, as they perched on chairs overlooking the central waterway through the city. After a morning’s hard work they were about due some lunch. “Any time he gets something there in his lineup, he has to call in his other allies and—”  
  
Tanaka sat up straight suddenly, staring past Noya to a man walking towards them alongside the water.  
  
“It’s him! Asshole!” he hissed, getting to his feet and dragging Noya inside the alehouse. “Quick, what can we do?”  
  
They peered out of the windows and watched him approach. Asshole was staring at a piece of parchment, hardly watching where he was going. As they looked on, he passed by a few men unloading a gondola, hardly even reacting as the men heaved crates of fish up to the market. The only evidence that he knew what was going on around him was the way he wrinkled his nose slightly, presumably at the smell.  
  
“Whew, he can’t just visit somewhere, can he,” Noya muttered. “I know you said he doesn’t _blend_ much, but…that’s not just picking clothes that match. Does he _always_ pick wealthy types?”  
  
Ryuu shrugged. “So far, at least. You should have seen the beard.”  
  
Noya picked at the dry skin on his lower lip. “I know it’s just illusion, but he really doesn’t seem that bad a guy, looking at him,” he said. “You sure about this?”  
  
“Rotten fish, Noya,” Ryuu said, scowling. “And _laxatives_ , at the freaking October Revolution no less. Even his real face doesn’t look like he could do it, but trust me, he’s pretty devious. We gotta get him. Hell, maybe he’s even working with Scumbag, you know?” He grinned. “Hey, I got an idea…”  
  
He gave Noya a couple of minutes to duck out the back and get into position, then strode confidently out of the tavern before Asshole could pass him by.  
  
“Ahaaa!” he called cheerfully, lifting his arms as though greeting family. “My friend! So good to see you again!” He’d been in to Italy enough times that he hardly even needed his translator implant to smooth over his accent. Just tweaks to make it period-correct. “Tell me, tell me, what brings you to Venice this century?”  
  
Asshole stared at him blankly for a moment, and he realised with delight that the guy hadn’t recognised him yet. Perfect. That should stall him for long enough…yes. Behind him, Noya crept up with a handful of fish guts he’d gotten from the market traders.  
  
“Century?” Asshole said, eyes narrowing. Suspicion washed over his face as Noya smeared the fish guts on the ground behind him and darted back behind a nearby stall. Traders watched on with amused expressions.  
  
Ryuu watched until Noya was mostly out of sight and then grinned.  
  
“Well, time for me to go,” he said, taking a couple of steps forward. He grabbed Asshole by the hand and shook it fiercely. “Have a nice trip!” he added, before striding past with a slight hop over the slimy mess on the paving stones.  
  
Asshole turned with him, probably to ask what the hell he was doing or something. Sadly for him, he didn’t manage to dodge the fish guts. He skidded sideways, arms pinwheeling, and lurched his hips the other way to try and regain his balance. Ryuu had front row seats as the man wobbled, shuddered, and finally toppled backward, landing in the filthy water of the main canal.  
  
Ryuu was far from the only one laughing as Asshole surfaced. He was probably the loudest though, which was why he chose to make a quick getaway with Noya before the guy managed to haul himself out.

 

* * *

  
  
That ought to have been the end of things, really. He and Noya had put paid to the situation in Venice, and it turned out that Asshole wasn’t even one of Scumbag’s goons—he was oddly relieved about that, in a way. After all, there were rivals and there were _rivals_ , and while he’d cheerfully knock Asshole into a filthy canal, that was different to wanting to punch his lights out, the way he had the burly types he and Noya caught roughing up the guy they’d come to Venice to protect.  
  
The trouble was, apparently Asshole just didn’t know when to quit. He’d been in 21st century India for less than a week before the guy ran into him, tripping him so that he fell face first into a pile of cow dung. He didn’t even have a proper laugh, smirking and chuckling gently as Ryuu scrambled to his feet and scowled at him. So they were going to keep this going, were they? Well, that was perfectly fine by him.  
  
Ryuu spotted him in Ancient Rome next, walking along with a group of senators as he was trying to blend in with some tradesmen. It was the first time he’d worked with Noya’s ally Asahi, as it happened, which proved an advantage. Asahi was easily startled, but didn’t mind _too_ much when Ryuu snuck up behind him and snatched his sandal, flinging it into Asshole’s path. And it was worth the lengthy explanation when not only did he manage to _trip_ the jerk, but they got to watch as he tried to explain his way out of pulling off the toga of another bystander as he fell. Priceless.  
  
Asshole sank so low as to pour a chamberpot over his head the next time he was passing through Renaissance Paris. Ryuu spotted him hiking through the Himalayas in the 1970s and backtracked a couple of weeks to swap his sensible dark brown tent with one in a fetching shade of bright orange.  
  
The pranks continued. Sometimes Noya or Asahi would help—although Asahi usually had to be pushed into it, questioning why he bothered with it all—but past a certain point, Ryuu couldn’t exactly say he hated the guy any more. Sure, he was…well, an Asshole. He’d started the whole damn thing, after all, so it was just a matter of repaying debts owed. But there was no denying that it was actually sort of _fun_ thinking up what to do next.  
  
Sometimes they were little inconveniences, like posing as a waiter the time he saw the guy holding some sort of meeting in a restaurant, and ‘accidentally’ spilling wine all over their food. Other times, he really felt he’d outdone himself.

 

* * *

  
  
The privy thing started out as an accident. He’d more or less accepted the fact that they were stalking the same timeline, and that he was going to run into Asshole now and then, but he really hadn’t expected to almost literally run into the guy in the same medieval castle. He’d ducked into another passage, watching as his rival snuck around doing…well, something. Who even knew what his agenda was.  
  
Actually, that was a good point. He’d been a full-fledged Traveller for…it probably added up to several earth-years’ worth of time, overall, and he _still_ hadn’t sussed out which group Asshole associated with, if any.  
  
Travellers didn’t group into formal alliances, exactly, but people tended to work together at least occasionally based on shared agendas. Noya’s friend Asahi had close ties to several other Travellers who Ryuu was gradually getting to know. Scumbag, too, seemed to have various allies who cropped up with irritating semi-regularity. But Asshole was just…well he was just an asshole who seemed to take great delight in screwing up Ryuu’s day any time he got in first. So far, they’d never actually had any encounter long enough to establish which side of history they were on.  
  
_Maybe I ought to find out,_ he mused, heading up to the next floor. _He’s skulking around here good and proper. What’s his deal?_  
  
A bit of diligent nosing around turned up the information that Asshole was, so far as he could tell, working in opposition to the owner of the castle—a rather shady sort of bloke who Ryuu hadn’t especially taken a shining to either. Still, that didn’t necessarily put them on the same side. And it certainly didn’t exempt him from their ongoing feud.  
  
There weren’t a lot of places to sit and plan revenge plots in a castle. They were made of narrow corridors and open halls. Private corners weren’t really part of the design. It was more luck than judgement which led him, floor by floor, up to the Lord’s chambers. Footsteps followed him up the spiral staircase, so he hurried across the room and ducked into the garderobe.  
  
He hadn’t done much exploration of castles before, so the clothes hanging everywhere were a bit of a surprise. Backing up through them, he slipped and practically fell onto the wooden bench which formed the privy. He sat there for several long minutes while whoever it was wandered around the room, before finally emerging. Phew, that had been close.  
  
Asshole came into view once more as he reached one of the lower floors, looking frantic. Someone further off in the castle was shouting. Ryuu grinned. Oh, he was going to need somewhere to _hide_ , wasn’t he. And where oh where could one hide in a castle?  
  
The privy on the lower floor was full of rather coarser clothes than the one above, but apparently moth-free storage space was too good to pass up no matter how awkward it made things. Ryuu ducked in—noting that, as above, the privy was a wooden plank over a large hole in the ground, below which was a rather full cess pit. The plank wasn’t even secured down, presumably to make cleaning easier. Footsteps approached at speed as he lifted the plank away and set it against the wall behind one of the hanging garments, then tucked himself beside it. Not completely out of sight, but not immediately visible to someone in a hurry either.  
  
Right on cue, Asshole blundered in, looking back over his shoulder in a panic. He wasn’t even paying attention to his surroundings as he backed up into the chamber, tripped, and vanished down the hole with a startled yelp.  
  
Half a second later he landed. If you could call what he ended up in _land_. It probably shouldn’t have been as funny as it actually was, but Ryuu laughed so hard he almost fell down himself.

 

* * *

  
  
It was going to be hard to surpass the privy thing, for sure. Ryuu was glad when he didn’t run into his rival for a while after that, because really, everything else felt sort of… _unimaginative_ by comparison. He’d peaked, and wow, it really sucked to think he might have pulled the greatest spontaneous stunt he was ever going to manage already. Annoying as Asshole’s pranks might sometimes be, there was no denying that the rivalry added an extra layer of interest to life.  
  
The rut continued into a stay in Sibera, where he was holed up in a little village somewhere while a blizzard raged outside. He mulled over the problem, nursing the remnants of his drink, in the sole drinking establishment for several hundred miles.  
  
Someone sat down opposite him and nudged another glass across the table at him. He waved a hand at it.  
  
“Sorry, pal. Don’t accept drinks from anyone I don’t know.”  
  
“Ah,” said a familiar voice. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”  
  
Ryuu looked up, eyes wide, to see Asshole sat there looking…wow. He actually looked pretty sheepish.  
  
“So, what, you’re apologising now?” he said, drawing himself up and taking a quick look behind himself just in case. “By buying me a _drink?_ Are you for real? Or maybe you just think I’m stupid or something?”  
  
Asshole sighed. “Oh for heaven’s— _Now?_ I just—” He stopped sharply, and shook his head, breaking out into a gentle smile. “Well, I suppose I’ve managed to avoid this meeting long enough. I’m Ennoshita Chikara. I guess you’re still calling me ‘Asshole’ at this point, right Tanaka?”  
  
Ryuu set the near-empty glass which was halfway to his mouth back down on the table with great care. It took a few seconds for Asshole’s— _Ennoshita’s_ words to make sense.  
  
“I’m gonna meet you again at some point and tell you that, aren’t I,” he said.  
  
Ennoshita nodded. “Quite a while ago for me, now. But then, that seems to be something of a pattern for us. I really am sorry about the laxatives thing, by the way. I never would have done it if I’d known, but…you rather pushed me into it.” He grimaced. “Sometimes literally.”  
  
Ryuu frowned. “What are you talking about?”  
  
“Your ‘revenge’,” Ennoshita said, smiling crookedly. “As far as I knew at the time, it was all completely unprovoked, and you started it. You got me a good five or six times before I decided to retaliate. At that point I just thought you had a _horrible_ sense of humour.”  
  
“So…wait,” Ryuu said, raising his hands. “You’re telling me, this _whole time_ , we’ve been pulling these stunts because our continuities got muddled? And you expect… How do I know you’re not just bullshitting me?”  
  
Ennoshita shrugged. “Well, you don’t _have_ to believe me, I guess. But at some point you’re gonna run into me again and I won’t be aware of any of this or even know your name. I already had the other half of this conversation quite a while ago, you see. You’d come to terms with it well enough by that point. Would you like some proof? I can rattle off the usual lists of information I couldn’t otherwise know, if that’s what it takes.”  
  
Ryuu shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine,” he said. Disjointed time was more than half a headache, and the less he heard about his own future, the better. He and Noya had already made that mistake once, and arranged to sync up their implants afterwards to keep better track of each other’s continuity. “It’s just about crazy enough that it halfway makes sense. And it explains a lot, I guess.”  
  
Ennoshita nodded. “It does. Incidentally, _that_ drink is perfectly safe,” he said, nodding at the glass. “I’ll even taste it first if you really don’t believe me.”  
  
The glass sat halfway between them. Should he take it as a peace offering?  
  
He frowned across the table. Okay, so the guy was maybe, _possibly_ a bit less of an asshole than he’d always believed. Still, that didn’t mean he was going to completely about-face just because of a disarming smile. Besides, frustrated as he might have been about the fact he’d hit the summit of his revenge game and was stumped for how to continue, the knowledge that he didn’t have to try any more _anyway_ was…it kinda felt as though he’d just lost something.  
  
“So, what, this is you saying we ought to start over?” he said. “Because if this is the part where you expect me to just forget about all the bullshit stuff you did—”  
  
Ennoshita snorted. It was a strange expression to see on a face which otherwise looked so placid. “Oh don’t try and tell me you didn’t get a kick out of paying me back. Some of your revenge missions were _incredibly_ petty.” He shook his head, and took a drink from his own glass before smiling ruefully and adding: “Although, I’ve got to hand it to you. The chicken thing was pretty inspired.”  
  
Ryuu raised his eyebrows. “The chicken thing?”  
  
They stared at each other for several seconds before the penny dropped. At almost the same moment Ryuu burst out laughing, Ennoshita leant back into his chair and groaned.  
  
“Oh you have got to be _kidding_ me!” he cried, letting his head fall forward into his hands. “How do I keep doing this?”  
  
“Hey, don’t tell me any more, man,” Ryuu said, grinning as he grabbed the glass in the middle of the table. The future suddenly looked a _lot_ more interesting. “I’m sure I’ll get there soon enough.”


End file.
